


fine

by brahe



Series: mckirk beyond [1]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: M/M, mckirkbeyond, mentions of pike's death, stid coda, that "the hell you are" scene with a little extra
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-15
Updated: 2016-07-15
Packaged: 2018-07-24 03:07:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7490985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brahe/pseuds/brahe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>the first time Kirk breaks down in front of McCoy</p>
            </blockquote>





	fine

**Author's Note:**

> ok this is two days late? maybe? anyway, the prompt for day one is "first times." I had this idea to do a thing, but then that turned into like a huge thing with a plot and all that, so that was put to the side for this small thing. went a (hopefully) different route with the "first break down"

They're walking through the hanger towards the shuttle, Jim's pace long and determined. Leonard keeps up with him just fine, though Jim's stride betrays his feelings.

  
"Jim, I need to do a run through."

  
"No, Bones," Jim replies, paying him little attention.

  
"Listen to me, Jim. Your vitals are way off. I can't send you up there without checking you first." It's his doctor voice, and Jim supposes he should have seen this coming. He stops and turns around.

  
"Look, Bones, I'm fine," Jim insists. Leonard glares.

  
"Like hell you are," he says, and Jim sighs. He doesn't want to deal with this right now.

  
He turns and walks up the steps into the shuttle. "So what if I'm not?" he asks. He realizes how petulant he sounds, but he can't do this. Not now.

  
"Jim-" he hears Bones start from behind him.

  
"No," Jim says, and Leonard falls silent as they take their seats. They sit, quiet, for a heavy moment.

  
"Of course I'm not okay," Jim tells him, eventually. His voice is soft and he's looking out the window at the hanger instead of at Bones.

  
"Jim..." Leonard starts again, but this time it's different. Jim turns to look at him. He knows his eyes are glassy, and his face 's probably splotchy, but he has kept the tears from falling. For now.

  
“Half of that room is dead, Bones. _Half_. If I had put it together just a second sooner, maybe…” Jim’s sigh is wet, shaking, and Leonard doesn’t know how to handle this. “Pike’s dead. I’m far from okay.”

  
The doctor in Leonard is itching to check Jim’s vitals, because he can tell by looking at him that they’re way off, but he pushes that down. That’s the last thing Jim needs now.

  
Instead, he reaches out and pulls Jim to his chest. The shuttle seats make it a little awkward, but neither minds. Jim’s face is buried in Leonard’s neck, shoulders shaking just so slightly, and Leonard rubs a hand up and down Jim's spine, tracing the nobs with delicate fingertips.

  
It must only be a moment, but it feels like they sit there for a lifetime. There's a damp spot on the collar of Leonard's shirt, and he realizes with a sudden thought that this is the first time he's seen Jim cry. It starts an ache in his chest and he squeezes his arm around Jim's shoulder just a little tighter.

  
Jim stops shaking, and his eyes are red-rimmed when they meet Leonard's. There's no less emotion in them, but it doesn't seem to weigh as heavy on his shoulders.

  
"Thanks," Jim mumbles, looking, for once, nothing like the wide-eyed, poster-boy captain Leonard knows best. There's a pause, and it's on the edge of awkward when Leonard reaches out again, this time taking Jim's hand and wrapping in his own, squeezing gently.

  
"Anytime, darlin'."


End file.
